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Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

Paper Type: Free Essay Subject: English Literature
Wordcount: 3873 words Published: 14th Dec 2017

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“Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” is a book written by the psychologist John Gray, which was published in May 1992. It was published in many languages and was a true bestseller. In contrast to many other psychologists, who pay more attention to the similarity between the sexes, Gray focuses specifically on the differences. As an example, a typical problem is that women think that men can not listen. This is due to the fact that in a difficult moment a woman to speak out, and from the man she wants to get support and recognition that its difficulties are significant. A man in a hurry at once wants to find a solution, instead of listening carefully. In the book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” will be reviewed different problems. For example, another problem is that men think that women try to remake them, like “cut” and make recommendations. For example, when a man can not do some task independently, the woman thinks that she should help, and begins to give advice. But a man sees in this not her help, and distrusts his own abilities, because for men it is important to reach all on his own. Other sex differences discussed in the book are in the “points system” for men and women, the behavior in stressful situations, etc.


The approach to gender relations in the book is used as a metaphor, the assumption that men and women are so different that they can be regarded as originating from two different planets. It is not just another book of “self help” but a valuable tool for understanding what really goes on inside the heads of men and women, its changing moods and why those changes occur. One of the highlights of the book talks about the different reactions of men and women facing the same problem, for example, why women love to talk about problems with friends while men prefer to stay quiet, thinking of a solution, what makes women crazy, or because men don’t like to request information, or because they hate it when they hear “I told you!”. Much more than just pointing out the differences, the book teaches how to handle these differences with practical solutions, and thus to save the relationships that seemed doomed to failure.


In interpersonal relationships, man and woman are configured to achieve different goals. Woman set on communication and cooperation, love and understanding. The scientists noted that already in infancy girls are more emotionally responsive to people’s faces, while boys – to the shape of objects.

Man aims to win the status and authority on competition and its successful completion.Thus, entering into an unfamiliar room, the man first explores the sources of possible threats, scans the inputs and outputs (for possible derogations), sits with his back against the wall, so that he has precise control of the territory. The woman, coming together with him, picks up the emotional climate, draws attention to the interesting personalities, capable of a few minutes to determine the nuances of relationships that in each pair are present, according to Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (2011).

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Man, conceived to be an exemplary provider and protector, can not stand to make mistakes and show a woman his own weakness or failure. He does not like to hear from women’s tips, suggestions, comments, since he hears them about his accusation of incompetence. It will be up to exhaustion that led his wife and children in an unfamiliar place, but never to ask a passer-road. He will be agonizing experience, but not uttered a word with the woman that she did not recognize his failure. Therefore, a woman must be very thin and transparent to the man to direct him where he needs. Generally, for men it is very important to hear from the women that he really gives her all for her happiness, according to Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus: An Analysis of a Potential meme (2007).

Sensory organs in a woman are sharper and more sensitive. Emotional adjustment in women is much higher than in men. Women feel thin little change in attitudes and moods, capture non-verbal signals that their brains are continually receives and analyzes information from the outside world. Woman understands the intricate relationship of heroes in movies and books, knows all about the tastes, preferences and problems of their children – a man can only assume something.

Hearing a woman for several orders of magnitude than the male. A woman knows how to share the sounds, assign them to different categories, to make a decision about each of them (which gives it the ability to simultaneously arguing with her husband, mentor a child and talking with a friend on the phone). Female hearing was originally set up to child’s cry – that’s why for a man would be hard to sleep when the baby is beating in hysterics, and a woman wakes up at the first sound.

The boys still in their teens cited a “psychological” deafness when they hear something that do not want to listen. If a woman wants a man to come up to important information, it is best to submit it in writing, according to “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”? (2007).

The book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” shows the importance of the issue in the society. The topic is extremely important and it is often discussed in the society. As a fact, there are many differences between men and women, which can be easily explained. That is why the book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” will be interesting for both sexes, as there are many interesting issues discussed, which can contribute to the understanding between the sexes.

The most famous book about the relationship between men and women will become movies. Hollywood producers are going to film a series of bestsellers by John Gray “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”, read before Bridget Jones and the millions of women worldwide. Of particular intrigue to this event was attached to that book of Gray – it’s not fiction, and psychological benefits. Incidentally, this is not the first attempt to film the creation of John Gray. The romantic comedy “He’s Just Not That Into You” is based on the book “You just do not like him.” “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” was published in 1992 and immediately became a bestseller. Psychologist John Gray wrote a total of 16 books on gender relations, 13 of them dedicated to “Mars and Venus.”

Metaphor, invented by Gray, turned into a real cultural phenomenon. Based on the books, information was delivered to the TV show, a musical, was released a DVD with lectures, the author who brought profits of more than 100 million dollars, and the books themselves separated the 50 millionth circulation in 45 countries. The very first of them lasted for nearly seven years in the bestseller list, The New York Times.


Most problems in relationships, men and women arise because we are really different. And not just different – men and women are from different planets. Our approach to most issues is so different that for the understanding of different issues we need a common language.

Men are from Mars, Women Are from Venus is a U.S. trial, the best-selling book by John Gray published in 1992. Gray matter includes difference between men and women of essentialist views and exhibits examples and behaviors to allow both sexes to better understand the opposite sex, according to Deborah Cameron (2007).

In 2006, the French translation of the book was directed by Thomas Douarec. This show has enjoyed considerable success across the francophone world.

The show and book deal with the relationship of the couple in their corner very caricatured (men who do not ask for directions by car or women who carry too many clothes on a journey), traits being pushed deliberately in order to better illustrate and contrast male and female sides of each person, according to Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (2007).

About love and sex there is so much said and written, that remains to add that for women love – this is poetry, and for the man – prose. Man lives with the installation of “doing something”, he demonstrates a deep love acts (such as conquering a mountain peak or a knock-out carpets). A woman wants beautiful confessions and words. When relations are at a stage of courtship, the man says to a woman more than the rest of his life together – is it the needs to achieve his goal in getting the desired girlfriend. In this case it is necessary to seek a compromise – a man at times is romantic, and women appreciate what a man does for them.

And how many tears shed by women due to the fact that in intimate relationships men pay little attention to caress and touch! Willingness to men for sex at almost any time in any mood (after a quarrel, during the illness of children, etc.) makes a woman think that a man just uses her! But let us turn to science and see that the hypothalamus, where is the center of sex, the male is much more feminine, in addition, the hormone testosterone, responsible for sexual attraction, in its content in the male body is 10-20 times higher than the female. Such is the nature. Truth I must say that this unrestrained desire has a clear subconscious goal – the continuation of a kind, survival among the aggressive environment.

In support of women say that their skin is 10 times more sensitive than men, it is thinner and comes with an additional layer. That’s why women are in dire need of touch. Men have thicker skin and is less sensitive to tactile contact (its sensitivity is concentrated in a few places). It is rather difficult to find a common language among such different creatures.

Now a lot of talk is necessary about the problems of financial, political, or environmental, but few people think about the problems of the relationship. I think that the question of survival, even as they must come first and not just because a decrease in physical work degrades men as the stronger sex, but gradually takes the joy out of life, but the meaning of life in happiness. Who needs a life of continuous suffering and anxieties? And true happiness we can draw only a harmonious relationship.

We eat no food, and energy is extracted from food. And this energy, that is giving us the fullness of life, we spend on the stress of negative relationships. Stress – is the main catalyst of our quarrels. But the root cause of most conflicts is the fact that men and women in different ways have to cope with it. Their reactions to stress are very different and these differences are increasing with the increasing stress. American writer John Gray, Ph.D. in his book “Mars and Venus: Why we fight?” Says: “Sometimes it seems that we are from different planets, men – are from Mars and women – from Venus. And there is not a positive understanding of the mechanisms for responding to stress, Mars and Venus are in conflict, rather than closer.”

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The difference between the response to stress is that men cope with it alone and do not like when somebody is even helping him, not to mention that if he was ordered or even advised, and women, on the contrary, want him to communicate or work together, asking assistance. Coming tired from work, men tend to at least briefly retire to rest. Women are not capable of passive recreation and can not get rid of the weight of their cares and affairs. If the husband returns from work and “is not in the spirit of” loving wife the best of intentions, rather than to give it to recover alone, begins to pester him with questions, with their problems or even the consolation than further increases his stress. No wonder they say that good intentions lined the road to hell. A woman in distress has a need to speak out. The man, instead of silence to listen, (or at least pretend) that he listens, is thinking that his problems are not worth a damn, and is trying some way to soothe her, this way adding fuel to the fire. She decides that her husband does not sympathize with her.

In men, there is an anti-stress hormone – testosterone, and they produce it alone. Women have oxytocin. Women feel comfortable in a conversation, telling someone about their problems. Men do not like to complain and relieve stress, solving problems and acting independently. Ignorance of these differences leads to the fact that men are tired of women’s issues (and they are never quiet, always somewhat concerned), dismiss them, words such as: “Do not pay any attention to such trifles!”. These words are only fueling the fire. She decides that the partner ignores it, does not want to give him attention. From this the stress only increases. Conversation threatens to grow into a quarrel. A man in a stressful, irritable state can not maintain a conversation. For him, to restore normal testosterone levels and calm down, you need some time to be alone and he, sensing the looming conflict, somehow stops the conflict and leaves. If a woman at this point is wise not to leave him alone and go after him, trying something else to finish saying, the man can blow up and the scandal will be provided.

As we know, the scandal is as a fire, it is easier to prevent than to extinguish it. To do this you need to know more its anatomy. The fact that women in conversation tend to move away from the main theme, that man, as mentioned in the previous article, annoying for the simple reason that he, unlike women, can only focus on one subject of discussion. Starting from this, nervous, he instinctively raises the tone. This, in turn, drives up the woman, and she already becomes angry, remembering all the past wrongs, totally forgetting about the problem of the conversation, according to according to Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus-what Does It Mean Really? (2010).

To prevent this from happening, women need to try to track the topic of conversation, without going beyond its limits, until it is completed by a decision. And most importantly – for both partners during the whole conversation it is important to remember about a compromise, if there is at least something they want to get from one another. Otherwise, they get nothing, except stress. And they lose energy, and with it – good mood, maybe even in the long term, even health. Any pressure, according to the law of reflection, is causing even greater resistance from the other side.


It is known that women differ from men. There is a children’s song, which is sung, that the boys are made of pistols, soccer balls, slingshots and ruptured after climbing over the fences of pants. About the girls in the same song is sung, they are made of sweets, aerial lace dresses and ribbons, braided into tight braids caring moms.

When we grow up, the difference between the sexes is not reduced, and vice versa, it becomes increasingly evident, even in appearance. For example, men do not have these breasts that are tempting to stick out from under your fashion T-shirts. And women are the subject of a men’s pride, an object of admiration and envy of men’s girlfriends.

Sexes differ in chromosome structure. That is, the differences start at the biological level: For example, women are better versed in the smells. Their brains can store and classify the different smells much better than the average male brain. But for men, this ability is an exception. Male perspective is arranged in such a way that they see in the dark better than women do, and thus may be well to concentrate on driving. Women’s skin is much more sensitive, since it has more nerve endings. Therefore, women are so fond of massages and all sorts of amenities such as aromatic shower gels and creams for massage. Women sweat twice as compared with men, according to How men from Mars and women from Venus Can make the most of their differences (2008).

Women have better-developed intuition. This is due to the fact that we have more interactions between the two halves of the brain – the left and right. While men can not immediately switch from a logical problem in the figurative, some time needs to pass. So when a woman calls him at work to inform that she bought a wonderful summer curtains tropical colors (as recommended by designers this season), a man may fall short in a stupor, trying to adjust to a different way of working of the brain. He is now obsessed with the whole process of intelligence or strategic planning. So women do not have to be offended if a man answers her a little harsh and off-topic. This does not apply to a woman personally.

Women tend to be dissatisfied with their figure, all the time trying to find flaws in themselves. Women do not give any names and nicknames, caressing the body parts, which can not be said about men. Women in a joint interview prefer to talk about their failures. Also, women often have not enough communication, received on the job, and they want a little chat after work with her man.

Men, by contrast, often exaggerate their abilities, are rarely dissatisfied with their figure, and prefer to talk only about their successes and achievements in various fields of life. They totally lack of communication that they received during the day at work and many evening conversations can lull them, according to Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus-what Does It Mean Really? (2010).

We are so very different from each other – as Mars and Venus. It is unclear how we all manage to coexist under one roof. At the same time, in our differences there is a big plus – they are the guarantee of our mutual attraction. As men and women, we all want to be happy. Irresistible desire for happiness is the strongest instinct and desire. It does not matter what it’s made from – butterscotch and fruit gum, or toy cars and slingshots and we are particularly pleased at the very moment when our happiness is the joint.

Gray presents almost exclusively focus on differences, unlike many psychologists (and feminists), but also points out that Mars and Venus are only stereotypes and can not describe the individual woman or man. This reservation is easily overlooked in the book, then focuses just on differences, not similarities.

Not all sex researchers agree with Gray in the fact that two sexes communicate in such different ways, as it has been pointed out that there is often very large overlap in gender psychology. Among feminists, the book has been criticized for being misogyn or to require that women must adapt to men’s behavior. Others have pointed out that Gray has not made detailed references to the research he claims underlie the book.

Martians appreciate the power, efficiency, and love to compete – who will overtake someone who will reach more in life. Their regular job – is to assert itself in our own and others’ eyes, to prove that they are better, stronger, more talented than others. Their sense of self is determined by how they are able to achieve good results. Only success gives them a feeling of fullness of life, self-realization, according to Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus Author John Gray coming to KC to talk about New Book Venus on Fire Mars on Ice (2010).

For women there are other values. For them, above all, is love, companionship, beauty, the world of human relations. They leave plenty of time to care, support and help each other. Their sense of self is determined by their feelings and the quality of relationships. The contacts with others, opportunities to share their own feelings, and experiences, as well as sharing others’ joys and sorrows, which realize their potential.

Interests focus on the Martians “subjects”, “things”, rather than on people and their feelings. And today, on Earth, while women dream about love, thoughts, men occupy powerful cars, computers, working with incredible speed, technical innovations and advanced technologies. They care about “things” that can help them achieve those or other results, in terms of their power and for women communication is paramount. Sharing their feelings and experiences for them is far more important than to achieve success or to achieve high results. They realize themselves in conversation, relationships with others experiencing this feeling of great satisfaction. For the Martians it is essential to reach the result: for them it is a way to prove that they are worth something, and it brings them the moral satisfaction. However, men feel it only if they got the desired results on their own, and not someone else’s help. At the same time, women’s intuition is very strong. They have developed this ability over the centuries, divining the wishes and needs of others. They are proud that they can be empathetic and able to capture the feelings one experiences. Offer help and assistance before men ask about – is women’s brightest manifestation of love, according to according to Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (2011).

To sum it up, it can be said that “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” is a book written by John Gray. It is a self-help book that offers a range of solutions designed to improve the relationship between spouses. The starting point of the book is that the two sexes are very different, and for that relationship to function, it is necessary to understand the opposite sex different forms of communication and emotional needs. Gray uses the Roman gods, respectively, war and love as a metaphor for gender differences.


This book will help to learn the practical aspect of the solution of problems arising from misunderstanding of insurmountable differences between men and women. There is described a theoretical analysis of the psychology of these differences, as well as a practical tutorial for creating such relationships, which by law can be called love. “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” is one of the greatest bestsellers of our time. This is a book that has changed for the better the fate of people who read it. Most problems in relationships, which arise among men and women, occur because we are really different. And not just different people – we are from different planets. Our approach to most issues is so different that for the present understanding of special needs a common language is needed and this book will help to find and learn the language of each and every. When we learn it, disappears the majority of the reasons to be unhappy in love, in family, in business relationships. The book is intended for all men and women over 16 years.


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